


You Are My Everything

by BisexualPheonix



Category: Sanvers - Fandom
Genre: F/F, Light Angst, Light Smut, Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-02
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-07-23 20:34:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16166522
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BisexualPheonix/pseuds/BisexualPheonix
Summary: A real quick fix-it





	You Are My Everything

        There was something about Ruby’s performance that broke Alex’s heart. It was beautiful yes, but not overly so. It wasn’t perfect, she missed some of the notes at first because of nerves, but when Sam continued to cheer her on it was like her confidence traveled across the room and right into Ruby.

        Alex had wanted that.

 

        Maybe not that specifically, God knows she wasn’t musically inclined beyond singing, but there were so many things she had wanted to teach her daughter, or her son. How to throw a punch was one, and how to ride a bike. But she had also wanted to teach them the constellations and the periodic table song her dad had taught her.

        And that’s why she sat in her car in the parking structure below her building for almost an hour before going up to her apartment, walking the 4 flights of stairs instead of taking the elevator. She opened and closed the door quiet as she could, slipping her keys onto the counter and changing in the bathroom before sliding into bed with Maggie.

        Maggie hadn’t heard Alex come in. She had been exhausted when she got home after her 12 hour shift, and had been knocked out from the moment her head hit the pillow. She tried, truly, to go to Ruby’s show, but Alex had demanded she go home when she heard how exhausted she was. Maggie wasn’t sure if it was because they were still fighting, or because Alex still cared, but she was grateful either way.

She did wake up, however, when she felt Alex’s body slip into bed next to hers. She forced herself, slowly, to wake up, planning on asking Alex about her day and Ruby’s show, to try to maintain some semblance of normalcy. But then she heard Alex’s sniffles.

        She stopped then, because they had been fighting a lot lately and she could feel the cold distance between them, and she was moments,  _ moments _ , away from turning around because her baby was behind her crying and lord knows she would do anything to stop them no matter how much her own heart was broken from the things that Alex had said the day before, was broken from the things Alex had said that very morning.

        But then Alex started to speak, so Maggie listened.

 

        “I wanted kids Maggie. I want kids,” she could hear Alex begin again, and it suddenly felt like a bucket of cold ice water had been thrown over her body.

        “My whole life, the only thing I was sure of is that I wanted to be a mom. And I love you, I love you so much, but I want kids. And I don’t know how to do this Maggie,” Alex finished, and Maggie could hear the thickness of fresh tears in her voice.

        Alex was crying next to her, sobbing silently because she never had been a loud crier.

        But Maggie couldn’t turn over, she couldn’t move. Alex fell asleep in just a few minutes- crying always took a lot out of her. And then, finally, Maggie turned over, and it was like magnetism pulled them together with how fast Alex shifted into her arms.

        Maggie had been crying to, but her tears had been silent ones. And when Alex was in her arms all she wanted to do was hold her tighter.

        “I love you Alex Danvers. I love you more than anything,” she whispered, her hand running up and down Alex’s back.

  
  


        Alex woke up the next morning to an empty space next to her. She usually woke up before Maggie, so without her being there she had no reason to stay in bed.

        Still, it was suspicious when she raised her head from the pillows and wasn’t met with the smell of coffee, or singing from Maggie as she flipped pancakes, or even the sound of the paper as Maggie rustled through it.

        She wasn’t in the bathroom. The door was open and lights off, and that meant that the only place Maggie could be was in the living room, right around the corner from her range of sight in their open apartment.

        She slid out of bed, long legs taking a moment to get used to the cold temperature of their apartment because while she loved wearing sweatpants at home, she never wore them to bed.

        So she walked around the bend, and then she stopped when she saw a half filled bottle of scotch and a note on the table, but no Maggie.

        She walked over, slowly, moving the scotch from on top of the paper, sitting down and unfolding it.

  
  
  


_ Alex, _

_ I write this to you with a heavy heart but it had to be written. I had wanted, truly, to say this to you in person, but as I watched you sleep this morning I knew that I couldn’t. I would never be able to leave if you were asking me to stay. _

_ I love you, I want you to know that. I have never loved anyone, anything, as much as I love you. I never will. _

_ But, I am not enough for you. You need more than what I can give you, and you deserve everything that the world has to offer. I wish that I could give you everything, I want to give you everything, and I hope you find someone who loves you as much as I do who is able to give it all to you. _

_ I will never be over you. Not in ten years or fifty or one hundred. But I need you to get over me, so that you can live a real, full, happy life. Please don’t try to find me. _

_ I love you Alex, I will alway love you, _

_ Maggie _

 

-

  
  


        As she read through the note Alex felt herself begin to fracture, each word like a stone being thrown at glass, until it finally shattered, until she was broken on the floor clutching the note, too broken to even reach for the scotch feet, a foot, away from her, too busy dealing with the empty space of where her heart used to be, too busy staring at it’s pieces on the ground in front of her as she forgot everything.

        Nothing,  _ nothing, _ mattered anymore. Not when she messed up this badly. Not when Maggie wasn’t there with her.

 

        To say Kara Danvers was angry would be one hell of an understatement.

        Her sister was missing from work for almost the entire day before she found her, on the ground in tears. It took an hour for her to coax Alex up from where she laid, but she wouldn’t talk, her eyes glazed over.

        She was just silent, in voice and body, not responding once to anything Kara said to her. Hours, what felt like days, later, Alex was finally in bed, finally laying in between the sheets, but on Maggie's side of the bed, clutching her pillow like a lifeline, clutching her note that was balled up in her other hand like it was the only thing she had.

        “Maggie’s gone,” Alex said, her unseeing eyes not looking at Kara but rather a spot on the wall.

        And no matter how hard she tried she couldn’t get Alex to say anything else, to respond to anything else, and that is why she spent an entire week in that apartment, trying to bring Alex back somehow.

 

        At first she wouldn’t respond to anything. She laid on Maggie’s side of the bed for 3 days, never moving except to use the bathroom, never talking, not even letting Kara touch her. She changed then, once the smell of Maggie no longer lingered in their bed, into a sweatshirt that she knew would smell just like her.

        Kara pleaded for her to eat something, she hadn’t eaten since Maggie left, so she made it one bite into a bagel that she double toasted before she dissolved into tears, finally, finally, letting her sister comfort her.

        She kept repeating  _ It’s my fault Kara, I messed up, I messed up _ , but she never explained.

        She passed out in Kara’s arms.

 

        On day four she got out of bed on her own and took a shower, changing into sweats and another one of Maggie’s shirts and managing to down half a bottle of vodka straight before Kara could stop her.

        Kara managed to get her to eat an entire piece of toast before the look in Alex’s eyes told her to fuck off.

        They sat in silence for the rest of the week, Kara only leaving when she absolutely had to, like when there was a bank robbery a block away.

 

        On day 8, when Kara woke up, Alex wasn’t there.

        It didn’t take her long to find her, at the DEO lab, so deep in an equation on her board that Kara had to physically shake her to bring her back. Alex was still basically unresponsive to almost everything, and as soon as she thought the conversation was over she was back at her board.

        Kara hadn’t seen her like this in years.

 

        And it was then, that moment, when she remembered that someone had been responsible for breaking her sister. She had Maggie’s location pulled up on the server in minutes.

        That is how she ended up at a shitty motel on the other side of town. She stole the key for Maggie’s room, dressed as Kara Danvers because being seen doing this as Supergirl would look very, very bad.

        She opened the door, and flicked the light on, only to be met with a sight that would have been heartbreaking if she could feel anything past her sister right now.

        The bed was made, the only thing on it an open suitcase. All of the furniture, save for a small coffee table, had been pushed to one side of the room. And then there was Maggie, sitting on the floor in one of Alex’s old Stanford sweatshirts, holding a bottle of tequila in one hand, and a gun raised and pointed at Kara with the other. When she saw who was at the door she lowered it.

        “I was wondering when you would show up,” Maggie said, and she was drunk, drunk off her ass, but dark and quiet and serious as a heart attack.

        “You hurt my sister,” Kara said, slamming the door shut behind her, hearing the wood crack and splinter behind her. It wasn’t broken, but it was damn close.

        Maggie nodded. “I know.”

        “I told you, I told you what would happen if you ever hurt her,” Kara said, nothing but steel.

        Maggie looked up at her. “I know,”

        “Do you not have anything to say for yourself Maggie? Leaving her like that, broken? On the ground for god only knows how many hours before I found her!!!” Kara said, yelling, feeling her eyes heat up from the pure anger in her veins.

        Maggie didn’t respond.

        Kara paced the room because she couldn’t understand, wanted to understand. She talked and talked about how badly Maggie had hurt Alex, about how it was like Alex didn’t even exist anymore, was just a shell of a human being.

        But eventually Maggie had enough.

 

        “Are you just going to torture me to death with how badly I hurt the love of my life or are you going to get it over with?” she asked, her voice soft, her voice broken, her hand gripping the bottle and lifting it back up to her lips, her eyes never once looking up.

 

        And that, that made Kara stop. She finally paid attention, noticing that there were pictures on the floor, covering the floor, each one of Alex, of her and Alex, of Maggie or Winn or James with Alex. They were everywhere, on the floor, on the coffee table, on the nightstand. Next to where she sat there was a neat row of glass bottles, some empty, some full, some half drank- each one containing alcohol. Maggie’s wedding band was still on her finger.

        “It seems like you’re torturing yourself Maggie,” Kara whispered, Kara finally understood. “You did this for her.”

        Maggie nodded, finishing off the last of the alcohol in the bottle, popping the top on and setting it in line with the other rows of alcohol. She reached for another one.

        Kara stopped her, a firm hand covering Maggie's, and then she was sitting down next to her, next to the woman who she had thought of as a second sister.

        “Why Maggie?”

        “You know why...” she said, her face set in stone but falling apart in front of Kara’s face.

        “Kids? Why, you know Alex wouldn’t have left you f-”

        “THAT’S THE POINT KARA!!!” Maggie said, her pain etched into those words as she finally raised her voice beyond a whisper.

        “She never would have left me for kids, I know. But she wanted them. She wants them so bad she cried herself to sleep, she made herself sick, more than once. She wants them. And she made it pretty fucking clear to me that I wasn’t enough for her. So no, she wouldn’t have left. She’s too good for that. But her heart would have left. After she realized that there is no changing my mind on this. She wouldn’t have left at first, because she thinks, she thought, that this is something that I just need to be convinced to do. But I can’t be convinced Kara, and she would have been heartbroken. She wouldn’t have walked away from us, but her heart wouldn’t have been in it anymore. We would have been together but, not like we are. I figured I would just save us the time,” she said, her words bitter, her eyes filled with tears brimming on the edge of falling.

 

        “You know that’s not true Maggie, you know that you’re enough for her,” Kara said, reaching out a hand. But Maggie moved away from her, backed up against the wall.

        “No I’m not. She said it herself. So if you’re not here to do the world a favor and throw me into space, then just leave Kara.”

        And Kara, Kara didn’t recognize Maggie either now, the eyes looking back at her filled with so much pain and anger.

        So she stood, silent as she left the motel, closing the door and hearing it lock shut behind her. She took the gun with her.

 

        Maggie sat on the floor, the reel of her and Alex’s last fight replaying over and over in her mind. She hadn’t realized then, how badly she had been hurt.

 

_ Maggie and Alex were arguing in the kitchen, in the living room, in the dining room, moving around the open space of their apartment as Alex tried with everything in her to convince Maggie of how great their lives would be if only they had a child in the future. _

_         Maggie had to go to work, but she was running late. So much so that she almost didn’t even care anymore whether or not she went. _

_         “You are the only thing that I need Alex. I don’t want kids, I just don’t. There isn’t some grand explanation as to why, it’s not because I’m broken. I just don’t. You, this, is enough for me,” Maggie said, too tired to keep yelling. They had been fighting, yelling, talking for days. _

_         Alex, who had been yelling herself seconds before, stopped, responded, harshly, unthinkingly. “Well it’s not enough for me Maggie. I want kids.” _

_         It was like the world froze, the words hitting Maggie so hard in the chest that she actually took a step back. _

_         And when Alex saw Maggie’s face, saw the way she stepped back and closed herself off, watched her turn, quiet, whispering that she had to go to work, Alex realized what she had said, who she had said it to. _

_         “Maggie, Maggie I didn’t mean-” _

_         “Alex, we both know you never say anything you don’t mean,” Maggie said, clipping her badge to her belt, slipping on her jacket, avoiding Alex’s eyes with everything in her. _

_         “Maggie…” _

_         And as Maggie was walking out the door she stopped, still not looking back at Alex, gritting her teeth and forcing out words. _

_         “It’s fine Danvers, I’ll see you later.” _

_         And then Maggie was gone, off to her cruiser, refusing to cry even though she felt like her heart had been ripped out. Her boss wasn’t mad when she was late, but she still put in her full 12 hours anyways. _

 

        Maggie was crying now, she had been for days, curled up, on the floor, cuddling a different bottle every night. She felt a familiar feeling in her stomach, and she was stumbling to the bathroom, barely there when she felt a painful rush, and then she was puking up everything she had drank in the last day, holding on to the toilet for dear life.

  
  
  
  


        Kara flew back to the DEO as fast as she could, now that she understood everything that was going on. Her sister was still in the lab, still nose deep in some equation, still was unresponsive when Kara called her name. Until.

        “I talked to Maggie,” Kara said, and Alex’s hand stopped halfway through the letter H on the board.

        “You said, you said that you messed up. I think you broke her worse than she broke you Alex.”

        And then Alex was capping the marker, setting it down, turning but not facing Kara, holding on to the edge of the counter to ground herself.

        “I know,” she nodded, and there were tears in her eyes, and she was clutching the counter so hard her fingers were turning white.

        “You need to talk to her,” Kara said, reaching forward, a strong hand on Alex’s shoulder.

 

        “I can’t Kara. This, this is all my fault…” and then there were tears, so many, so silent, sliding from Alex’s eyes and down her cheeks.

        “Alex-”

        “I fucked up. I did. Bad. I made her think that she wasn’t enough for me. I was just, I was so frustrated and we were fighting, and she was telling me that I was all she needed and I just, I didn’t think. She was done. I knew that she was done. But I was still fighting. And I made her think that she wasn’t enough.”

        And God Alex was so angry with herself. She felt sick, every moment, every part of her screamed out for Maggie. But she had messed everything up.

        “How could I do that Kara? How could I tell her she isn’t enough, when she is everything?”

        “Alex,” Kara said, turning her sister’s head towards her.

        “You did something really, really stupid. But only you can fix it,” she said, reaching into her pocket, pulling out the key to Maggie’s room. “Go get your girl, and don’t leave until you’ve got her.”

        It was like a cold bucket of water had been poured on her. Alex nodded, grabbing the key from Kara’s hand.

        “Do you want me to take you?’

        Alex shook her head.

        “No. No, I need to think. It’s over an hour away, I just need to figure out what I’m going to say,” she said, walking past Kara.

        “When did you look up where she was?” Kara yelled after her. Alex stopped in the doorway, freshly determined eyes looking back.

        “The moment I realized she was gone.”

  
  
  


        Alex took a DEO SUV because she knew she was in no place mentally to be on a bike. It was a long drive, but not long enough for her to have any idea what she wanted to say. As if she even had the right to say anything at all.

        She sat in the parked car for what felt like forever, but she knew she had to go in. No matter how afraid she was of what would happen when she went in.

        The walk to her room didn’t take very long, Alex had parked almost in front of it, clutching the key so hard when she walked that it left impressions on her skin.

        She knocked, at first, but not hearing an answer she used the key to open the door.

        There was no light on in the bedroom, and Maggie wasn’t in there either. Alex closed the door behind her, seeing the light coming from the bathroom.

        She took a timid step forward, but when she heard retching she dropped the key on the ground and ran to the bathroom, freezing, only for a moment, when she saw Maggie on the floor, throwing up, trying and failing to hold her own hair back, her body, so small, too small, shaking from the force that it really couldn’t handle as she knelt over the bowl.

        And then Alex was there, gathering Maggie’s hair behind her, holding it up with one hand, sliding her other onto her back, supporting her as she emptied out the poison in her stomach. It felt like hours before Maggie was done, and then she tried to pull away, from the toilet, from Alex, but she passed out too tired, too exhausted- and Alex was there to catch her, arms wrapping around her small frame.

        Alex lifted her, standing, carried her from the bathroom, noting that it had only been a week but Maggie was already smaller than she had been before. She laid Maggie in bed and slid in behind her, pulling the sheets around her because she was still shivering, was probably just moments away from catching a cold or worse. A sleeping Maggie snuggled into Alex’s body.

        It was only 9 pm, but Alex wasn’t going to sleep because she knew her world might end as soon as Maggie woke up.

-

 

        Alex felt Maggie wake up in her arms. No matter what, she always woke up the same way, always yawned in her sleep, always took deeper breaths as her body began to wake.

        But this time, when her eyes fluttered open to greet the new day, there was no light in them. And as soon as she realized that Alex’s body was pressed up against hers she tensed.

        “Get out, Alex,” she said, her voice full of breath because the last thing she wanted was for Alex to leave.

        And Alex knew. Alex, at some point, had removed her head from her ass. She knew.

        “No,” she said, wrapping her arms tighter around Maggie’s body.

        “Go God dammit, you need to leave!” Maggie yelled, well she really whimpered, because she was weak, because everything in her was weak, and she was struggling in Alex’s arms, trying to pull away, trying to free herself, but Alex just pulled her back into her body, held her arms against her chest.

        “I’m never leaving you Maggie. I will never leave you,” Alex said, Alex whispered into her ear.

        “You should” she said, somehow escaping from Alex’s grasp, pulling herself out of the bed, facing the wall, looking anywhere but at Alex.

        “I can’t- I can’t give you what you want Alex. I’m not enough,” she said, her voice breaking, and she wrapped her arms around herself.

        “You are enough Maggie. I promise I-”

        “REALLY?” Maggie yelled, turning, wide eyed and angry, so fucking angry.

        “So now I’m enough. Now that, what? Now that I’m gone, now that I’m not here with you I’m enough? What about when I begged you, Alex? When I begged you for us to be enough? When I told you that you were all that I needed? What did you say then?”

        And God Alex didn’t want to so those words, because oh how untrue they were. But she couldn’t not say them, not when Maggie’s eyes were piercing through her soul like they were.

        “I said… I said it wasn’t enough for me…” Alex said, dropping her head for a moment because how could she ever say anything like that to Maggie?

        “Exactly. You, you are everything I ever needed Alex. Everything I ever wanted. But I’m not, I’m not going to sit here and let you throw away everything you want,” Maggie said, and she finally, finally, turned away from Alex again because this was taking too long, and she could only hold out for so long, and  _ God _ why did Alex come and find her.

        “You are everything I want Maggie. And everything that I need,” Alex said, reaching out but pulling away when Maggie flinched away from her touch.

        “I just, I never thought that I would have you. Or anyone. I always... I always thought that I would be alone. And I guess I figured that by having a child, I wouldn’t be alone anymore. But I never expected you Maggie. I never thought that I would ever fall in love with anyone, ever. And I never realized that I was just trying to use kids to fill a hole. That’s why I pushed so hard. Because for years that was the only thing I had, this  _ idea _ of not being alone.”

        And Maggie was crying now, sobbing in front of her, holding herself together with her own arms, with her own hands.

        “But Maggie, I’m not alone anymore. Because I have you. And you, you are everything that I always wanted and everything that I never knew that I needed. Kids mean nothing to me, not if you don’t want them. I can go forever without them but I know I can’t live this life without you. I am so sorry Mags, I was wrong for saying that you weren't enough, and I will regret saying those words every day for the rest of my life. Because you are my everything.”

        Maggie was turning, looking up at Alex with wide eyes, and when Alex stepped forward, her arms open, she was walking forward and leaning into her body, reaching out and holding on to her as hard as she could because she didn’t know what she would have done without Alex. She didn’t know if she would make it without Alex.

        Alex had her own tears falling down her face as she wrapped her arms around Maggie’s body again, not knowing if she would ever, could ever, let go again with how close she had come to losing everything that mattered to her.

 

        “Are you, are you sure Alex?” Maggie asked, gripping onto Alex’s shirt.

        “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life Maggie. I love you,” Alex whispered, and Maggie was nodding into her chest, hiccuping.

        “I love you,” she said back, the sentence dripping with undeniable truth.

 

        Then they were home, because Maggie couldn’t stand to be in that motel any longer. She wanted to get the reek of alcohol off of her body and so they stripped naked, moved into the shower and washed each other with soft hands and kissed with softer lips.

        They dried eachother off with white towels, pressing their lips on every piece of skin they could reach, making love with their eyes. And when Maggie finished drying off Alex’s calf, when she kissed her knee, and then her thigh, and then her stomach, Alex pulled her the rest of the way up, pulled their lips together, and Maggie dropped the towel at their feet.

        “I love you Maggie Sawyer,” Alex said, kissing Maggie’s jaw, down her neck, to that special spot that turned her into mush.

        “I love you Alex Danvers,” Maggie whimpered, Maggie moaned, as Alex pulled her up, and Maggie wrapped her legs around Alex’s waist.

        A short walk to the bedroom, and Alex was laying Maggie down gently on top of the bed, kissing her so soft it almost hurt.

        “Let me take care of you. Please,” she asked, she begged. Because she needed, still, to show Maggie how much she mattered. How much she was loved. And Maggie nodded, so Alex worked her way down her body to show her.

 

        And that’s how, three, four, five, orgasms later, Alex was laying on her side, Maggie’s back pressed against her chest, one hand pushing strong fingers deep inside of Maggie’s center and the other wrapped around her stomach, holding them together. Maggie’s left hand gripped the top of the bed, her right hand tangled in Alex’s hair behind her, her legs held open by Alex’s own and then she was screaming, flying over the edge again, convulsing around Alex’s fingers as she repeated her name like a prayer on her lips, her hands pulling at Alex’s hair, and then she finally _ , finally _ , fell into the warmth of their bed, her body beyond spent.

        Alex worked her down, slowly, gently, with nothing but love, placing soft kisses on her shoulder and her back and her neck until the aftershocks stopped.

        “Please don’t leave Alex,” Maggie asked, her voice so tired, too tired.

        Alex wrapped her arms around Maggie, pulling her in, kissing the back of her neck.

        “Never.”

**Author's Note:**

> I felt bad for not posting for a while, hence the mass posting. Hope this helps to quell the ache of our mass pain.


End file.
